auria “Hussein” cortes

• African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!–W 23rd StOverheard by: I’m a train!
• Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…–37th & Broadway
• Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?–85th & Columbus Ave
• Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon
• Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!–76th & York
• Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!–68th & BroadwayOverheard by: Sarah Booz

• Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!–LIRROverheard by: Poogins

• Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Desperate Housewives” on?!–10th Street & 3rd Ave
• Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: “I wanna forget you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For real?” It was crazy, you gotta catch it!–Times Square Office BuildingOverheard by: SUSAN

• Redhead: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world without urges.–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2ndOverheard by: Ursula & Winifred

• Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.–On the Bus
• Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van.”–15th between 6th and 7thOverheard by: Disunionsquare

• Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

source

How my morning started today.

(phone rings)

Friend: He’s leaving.
Me: Leaving what?
Friend: The marriage.
Me: Oh.

(and then I listened to her for over an hour)