AURIA CORTES

The trick with “show, don’t tell” is that sometimes it’s better to show. Other times it’s better to tell. As the writer, it’s up to you to know when to use each. This is the litmus test I use when writing: when we are in love, sometimes it’s best to simply tell your lover “I love you.” Then there are times when it’s best to show it (i.e. buy a gift or do something thoughtful). As I’m writing, I pretend my readers are my lovers and sprinkle “show, don’t tell” with that thought in mind. Because I’m a great lover :-), I find the right balance.

The following examples I saved from the NaNo forum last year.

Original sentence: John was angry.
Revision:
John narrowed his eyes and felt his cheeks grow warm. Adrenaline surged through him. He could feel the vein along his temple pulse in time to his rapid heartbeat. His fists balled at his sides and he took several deep breaths. He needed to calm down; if he went out there now, he would end up punching Ben in the face.
—> I showed John was angry without saying anger. I described his body’s responses to anger. The rapid heartbeat, the narrowed eyes, flushed cheeks, etc. I even threw a little intrigue sentence at the end…since it seems that someone called Ben pissed dear John off.

Original sentence: Martha looked at the sign with confusion.
Revision: Martha wandered over to the sign. She peered at the multitude of crisscrossing lines and bisecting streets with a worried frown. She bit her lip and traced a familiar route with her finger, only to find that it split into several directions and she had no idea where any of them ended. Her finger dropped and she sighed. She hated Chicago already.
—> This one wasn’t as physical, but rather more detailed on what Martha looked at and was looking for. However, this paints a more vivid picture about Martha, and why she was confused.

Original sentence: Bobby had a strange personality.
Revision: Bobby liked anything blue. His clothes were all blue, his appliances were blue, even his hair was blue. He liked blue so much, that he even painted his whole house blue. No one knew why he loved this color to the point of obsession, but rumor had it, that when he was a boy, he had a blue parrot by the name of Steve. Steve also liked blue, and Bobby would let the bird have anything blue it’s little heart desired. But one day, young bobby came home to find Steve gone, his birdcage cleaned and put away, and blue flower vase in its place. Bobby’s mother had let Steve fly away, and poor Bobby was heartbroken.
Since that day, Bobby kept Steve’s memory alive by collecting everything blue he could find. Maybe if he surrounded himself with blue, Steve would return to him.
—> LOL, yeah, I had fun with it. But you get the idea.

Original sentence: Jacob was bored.
Revision: Jacob yawned, and his mouth stretched so wide that the back of his throat showed. He smacked his lips and looked around the classroom. He spied his best friend close by. Ned was bent over his test and scribbling away madly. Jacob crinkled his nose and rolled his eyes. He tapped his pencil on his desk: tap, taptap, tap, taptap. Soon, he formed a song in his head to match the beat. He tapped it to Jingle Bells, Frosty The Snowman, and then he tapped it to the Star Spangled Banner. The other students gave him sour looks and coughed with annoyance. His teacher looked up and shot him a warning glare. Jacob pursed his lips and sighed. His tapping stopped. It wasn’t his fault he had finished fifteen minutes early. He was a genius, what could he say?
—> Now we have a better idea of HOW Jacob was bored.

Original sentence: Janice was quite addled by her Supervisor’s lustful advances.
Revision: Janice felt her cheek grow hot as her Supervisor winked at her and sipped his paper cone of water. He leaned against the wall, relaxed and watched her as she worked. She could feel his eyes travel her body, lingering on her breasts and then slipping down like an invisible hand over her hips and legs. She coughed and turned sideways in her chair, giving the impression that she had important work to do. He remained at the water cooler, staring, and Janice couldn’t focus on the computer screen. She wished he would leave her alone!
—> Tense situation, and shows discomfort without me saying the word itself.

Original sentence: The creek was cold and loud.
Revision: The water gurgled and chugged in noisy song. I slipped my toes beneath the water, giving a little squeal as I realized how icy the creek was. Even though Spring had arrived a month ago, Winter’s chill still pervaded the waters.
—> Short and simple, but conveyed cold and loud better to the reader.

So there you have it folks. Examples that demonstrate the difference between show, don’t tell.

Did you miss NaNoWriMo? Well, try the Seventy Day Sweat Writing Challenge where you write a novel in, yep you guessed it, seventy days. I signed up because the challenge is open to stalled WIPs. And Mija is well, stalled.  So who’s going to join me? Oh come on. Sign up.

Yippie! Following the method I used when participating in NaNoWriMo, where I allowed the characters to take over, I reached my goal of 5,000 words. It’s amazing what happens when one doesn’t over think and simply trusts the writing process.  It’s also amazing that you can always count on friends to burst your bubble.  

Me: I wrote 5,000 words this week.
Friend: How many are good words?
Me: What?
Friend: Out of the 5,000 words how many are good?
Me: I don’t know. That’s not the point.
Friend: Well, if you wrote 5,000 crap words then you haven’t made progress with your novel.
Me: It doesn’t work like that. This is a first draft. Many things will change during the rewrite process. I may have to delete a well-written scene because it won’t work. On the other end of the spectrum, a scene may need polishing, but it will make the cut.
Friend: hmmm…so everything you have written so far may be crap.
Me: What?
Friend: You’re writing crap.
Me: I guess I am.

9451 / 90000 words. 11% done!

The premise of 30 Days to Justice, the 50k novel I wrote for NaNoWriMo, is controversial. I didn’t mean for the book to make a political statement, but in the end that is exactly what happened.

The book begins like this: a woman in her early 30’s is moving back home to find herself. When she hits the state line, she hears on the radio that a man who committed a murder twenty years earlier had just been executed that morning.

The execution of his accomplice is schedule within thirty days. Through a series of events, she finds herself investigating the murder and putting into question the legal and moral issues of the death penalty.  I’m sure that once I complete The Devil’s Playground that I will revisit 30 Days to Justice. In the meantime, there are real life heroes that are putting their names on the line to seek the truth. 

 Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks has written an open letter that calls attention to a case where three men are wrongly convicted (can we expect anything else from her except courage?).

Her missive begins: “I’m writing this letter today because I believe that three men have spend the past 13 years in prison for crimes they didn’t commit. On May 5th, 1993 in West Memphis, Arkansa three 8 eight-year (sic) boys, Steve Branch, Christopher Byers, and Michael Moore were murdered.

Three teenage boys, Damien Echols, Jesse Misskelley, and Jason Baldwin were convicted of murders in 1994. Jason Baldwin and Jesse Misskelley received life sentences without parole, and Damine Echols sits on death row.” 

To read the rest of her letter and plea for financial donations, click here.

I’m going to hold judgment on this matter until I see the two documentaries she mentions, Paradise Lost and Paradise Lost 2. At that time, I will blog about this case again.

During the month of November I participated in Nanowrimo. For those of you who aren’t familiar, Nanowrimo it is a contest where participants are challenged to write a 50,000-word novel within thirty days. Those who reach the word count receive a certificate of participation.

When November 1^st rolled around, I began the novel sans title and storyline. All I knew was how the first scene would unfold. By the third day of writing the title came to me (30 Days to Justice) and the plot was unfolding nicely.  

Before the month was over, I reached the goal of 50K. I was amazed that I was able to write so many words in less than thirty days. With The Devil’s Playground, I’ve only written 4,281 words since August. The average novel is 90,000 words. I have a long way to go. 

 For the next three months, I’m committing to write 5,000 words per week towards The Devil’s Playground. The first draft is set to be complete on March 31, 2008.

Every Monday, I will provide a word count so all of you can take note of my progress. Back in 1999, Caroll O’Connor of Archie Bunker fame, wrote a book called I’m Outta Here. In it, he made a point that has stayed with me for all these years. O’Connor theorized that the reason most people don’t achieve their goals is because when they hit an obstacle or something else seems easier to accomplish they change their goals midstream (I’m paraphrasing).

 That’s exactly what I have been doing. I’ve had The Devil’s Playground formulating in my mind since I was fourteen years old. At the age of 21, I sat down to write the book, but didn’t write a word because the blank page paralyzed me. Instead of working through it, I moved on to something less labor intensive…like going to the movies with my friends.

4281 / 90000 words. 5% done!