Feb 22 2008
Friday Night Movie: The Squid and the Whale
The Squid and the Whale is more than just a story about divorce. It’s also about two married writers. The husband is resentful of his wife’s success. And the wife looks down at her husband because isn’t successful (at least that is the husband’s point of view).
I believe that if I was involved with a writer and he was more successful than me, I wouldn’t have a problem. My feeling is that most men would be uncomfortable if it were the other way around. I can type this with great certainty because most men I meet are competitive with me and we aren’t in the same profession.
Oh, man-woman dynamics. It’s never simple.
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I loved this movie. Human dynamics are never simple; that’s what makes them so fun! (Well, interesting at the least.)
I haven’t seen this movie, but it looks like it’s worth watching. Personally, I would have no issue with the greater success of my significant other, I’d be happy for him or her. I also wouldn’t want them to feel resentful if I happened to be the more successful. I’m a very competitive person in every other respect, but within the context of a relationship, nah. It’s a partnership, we’re both in it together.
Doug,
I don’t mean to make you the spokesperson for gay men, but I do have a question.
As a single woman, I do find that most men are not comfortable with a successful woman. How does that transcend to the gay community. Do you find that gay men are competitive with their partners as hetrosexual men are with women in their lives?
I have to say, it has been my own experience that when a man is less successful, it’s not just the men who have problems. As a relatively unsuccessful guy (so far, anyway) I’ve never been the type to have a problem being in a relationship with a more successful women. However, some of them have had a problem with it. (Despite all arguments of modern women’s liberation to the contrary.) So it goes both ways.
Oh, and I haven’t seen the movie. Didn’t even know it was about writers until just now.
If a guy is unsuccessful - in whatever way he defines success, not my own defination - and he doesn’t do anything to get out of his rut, that is unattractive. For me it isn’t about lack of $, it’s about lack of ambition. Oh that’s such an ugly trait.
Of course I’m speaking of my own experiences and am not suggesting that you are anything but ambitous.
I probably am not the ideal gay spokesman, having been married a couple of times. Love ‘em still, just not in “that” way. Anyway, from what I’ve observed, I really don’t see a lot of competition to be the most successful amongst the same-sex couples I know. To bring it back to the partnership thing, that seems to be the primary focus in the relationships I see. One’s greater success is greater success for the two as one. Then again, I don’t see what goes on behind closed doors, so I can’t swear that we’re any different than the breeders.
I though of all the str8 couples I know and 50% the women earn more and in all those relationships the husband wants to earn more. I have a partner of 28yrs and some times she made more, others years I did; we have had joint bank accts from week 4, never an issue. We are a team. Neiter felt weird when the other made more, or less. ‘Course we are not about money..it is a game for me and she just doesn’t care. Our needs are met. We owe no debts. We never borrowed money. We own no car, no house, have no kids; we are somewhat minimilists. Success we judge on merit of personal goals, not money. She is more successful in some things. I in others. That’s how we roll.